I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He passed out mid-signature
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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