I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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