no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
