Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
