Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
