Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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