I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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