4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
