Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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