Whatcha textin bout Willis?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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