How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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