Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
