Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
