remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
