I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
