I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
