Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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