apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
