I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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