just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
