Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
