Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
