i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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