i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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