Got a toothbrush?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
