i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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