I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
