He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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