this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
