Hey man sorry I got all grabby
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
