I just threw up on my dentist
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
