why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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