Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
