Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
