i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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