my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
