if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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