Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
