do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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