dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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