i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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