I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
