I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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