can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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