Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we made out on top of his cat.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
