Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
