she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
