Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
