Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
