she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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