I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
