Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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