i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
