Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
