i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I will pee on everything he values.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
