fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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