So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
