I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
