If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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