so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
